Food, Glorious Food!
by articmadador
Summary: The Predabots are always eating something, but sometimes they eat things they aren't supposed to. From stealing and eating expensive cars and helicopters to trying to eat Decepticon prisoners, these bots get into anything. Hold on to all your metal possessions, because they just might swipe them for an appetizer when you aren't looking. Warning: There's gonna be a lot of robot barf
1. The Helicopter

**Yo! articmadador here! Yes, I have returned after missing in action for what feels like forever! I've decided to start writing stories again, possibly start a new series. I don't know if I'll finish Our World, Their War, I'll just have to see. Anyway, this is a series about Rhythm and Illusion eating things they shouldn't be. It's just something to get me back writing. I DO NOT OWN TRANSFORMERS! Hasbro does. I only own whatever characters and plot materials you don't recognize. Please review and enjoy.**

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Illusion sat on top of the main hanger at base, staring at the same thing she'd been staring at for days. It was so beautiful to her. It shined perfectly in the sun, its metal clear of all dirt and perfectly waxed. No matter what time of day it was, even if the sun wasn't directly shining on it, it shined like new money. When the wind blew up tiny dust devils that showered everything in sand, it remained untouched. Soldiers would walk pass it and occasionally stop the marvel at its beauty as well. It was so gorgeous, so rare, so clean, so pure.

It was NEST's new combat helicopter, and Illusion loved it. She loved it so much that she wanted to eat it.

She had longed to devour that helicopter the moment it had been brought to base. Even when Lennox warned both her and Rhythm to stay away from it, she longed for it. Even when Mirage had told her she'd better stay away from it or be sorry, she craved it. Even when Optimus caught her licking it and gave her a lecture on why she can't eat it and must stay away, she knew she needed it. And when Ratchet had slammed her with the wrench for saying she was going to eat it no matter what, she knew she would get it.

It was the most beautiful piece of machinery she'd ever seen. It was the largest helicopter on base, bigger than the ones that could lift Optimus off the ground in his bipedal mode. It was heavily armored, high tech, and looked like something straight out of the future. It had cost a lot of money to manufacture, and NEST had to come off of a large sum of money to obtain it. If something were to happen to it outside of combat, there would be some serious consequences. Especially if a certain Predabot were to be the cause of the damages.

But Illusion would not be discouraged. She wanted that helicopter and she wanted it damn bad. For days she plotted, watched, and waited. She only left to train, refuel, and go to meetings. She recharged on the roof every night, her always optics on the helicopter when she finally slipped into recharge. She ignored the other bots when they wanted a ride or wanted to play. She only answered to Mirage when he wanted something. Nothing else but him and that helicopter mattered.

Everyone noticed she was becoming obsessed with it, and after a while it was decided that Illusion was no longer allowed to be near the helicopter. She was ordered to stay at Mirage's side at all times when walking around base. When she was outside, soldiers were ordered to watch the helicopter with careful eyes. The patrols were doubled, and there was no way Illusion could get close without multiple soldiers seeing her. If she even tried to get pass them, and she did a few times, she had a trip to the brig and multiple lectures. Not to mention Mirage would get upset at her for misbehaving and make her feel guilty. Eventually whenever she walked into the main hanger, she could hear radios come to life with warnings of her arrival. She hated being treated like that, and she knew she'd never get close to her prize if this went on much longer.

As agonizing as it was, Illusion was forced to stay away from her precious helicopter. She decided that she'd try to put it out of her mind. She was always forgetting things on accident, so she figured she could intentionally do the same. So, she did everything she could to forget. She avoided the main hanger and any areas near the helicopter. She wrestled with both pairs of twins, trained and played with Mirage, annoyed Ratchet, played with Rhythm, and did anything else she could think of. When that failed, she helped the twins with pranks, bothered Ironhide into giving her a training session, and used her cloaking software to scare soldiers. Eventually she simply bothered others as much as she could to distract herself. For days she could not forget no matter how hard she tried, and her thoughts were stuck on that helicopter. However, as time went on, she slowly seemed to forget about it. She found herself causing less trouble, like she had before for the simple fun of it as opposed to in hopes that she would forget. She stopped bothering everyone so much and became more relaxed. For a while, things went back to normal. Illusion acted like her old self and seemingly forgot about the helicopter.

Inside, however, she was dying to get at it. She was practically screaming in her processor because she couldn't get to it. She pretended that she didn't care about it, and ignored the soldiers guarding it. Maybe, she thought, if she pretended that she'd forgotten about it long enough, then they'd ease up on the guards and patrols. Illusion was a patient bot at times, and this time her patience paid off. As the days passed, Lennox had less and less solders guarding and patrolling. As more time passed, Illusion saw her dream of eating that helicopter getting a little closer. She knew she had to be careful, and take as few risks as possible. She needed to wait for the perfect moment to get it and take it off into the desert so she could devour it.

She got her chance a few days later. There were many skirmishes going on with rogue Predacons and Decepticons across the world. Soldiers and bots had been dispatched, but Illusion was lucky enough that she and Mirage had not been called off. She watched as they slowly left, and observed how the base became more empty woth each new mission. Now there were less soldiers on patrols, and less bots around with advanced hearing. She could get away with stealing the helicopter now. She waited until nightfall to make her move, that way fewer humans would be up and about to hear her make her move.

That night she recharged with Mirage. He had been suspicious of her, though he had said nothing. She knew him well enough to know when he was catching on to her plots. She stayed with him and recharged for a little bit, and when she was good and sure he was in deep recharge, she got up to sneak out. She knew there was a great chance that he would wake up, so she moved quickly and quietly. Unfortunately, she wasn't quiet enough to get by the spy bot.

"Mmm…Illusion?" he murmured sleepily.

She froze in fear, and her optics turned neon orange. "Yeah?" she asked, trying to sound sleepy.

"Where are you going?"

"I uh…gotta void?" Illusion could've applauded herself for the quick thinking.

Mirage made a noise between a snort and a quiet chuckle, then rolled over. "Don't disturb anyone."

"Okay."

And just like that, Mirage had fallen into a light recharge once again, and Illusion was free to go. Never before had something so big moved so fast. With few bots and humans up at the latest hours of the night, she was able to get around more freely. She activated her cloaking, forcing it to match the black darkness and gray shadows around her. The good thing about the Autobots having their own hanger was that they didn't have to have the lights on constantly. They are usually dimmed later in the day, then turned off at night. The lights were only left on because sometimes humans did come into the hanger, and they needed them. Luckily, they were never around at night, so she didn't have to sneak pass them. With so many bots gone, she was able to sneak right out.

Illusion reset her cloaking to match the sky as she took off towards the main hanger. She flew as quietly as she could, and did her best to glide over and avoid flapping. Looking down below her, she saw no soldiers around in the area. This was pure luck, and for once she was glad there was so much going on around the world so no one was around. She needed this, and she needed it now! As she approached the main hanger, she slowed down her flight and landed as gently as she possibly could, considering her size. After resetting her cloaking to better match her surroundings, she looked down at the beautiful helicopter. It shines in the moonlight, looking more pristine and perfect than it ever had before. Tonight, she would finally get her treat. She would finally devour this beautiful machine. She would carry it off somewhere into the nearby mountains and eat every part of it before anyone even knew.

She spread her wings, ran over how she would carry it in her processor a few times, then went for it. She flew above it, then carefully landed on top of it. Working quickly, she maneuvered her arms and legs around the blades and wrapped them around the helicopter. Using all of her strength, she lifted the heavy machine into the air. Her wing flaps were too loud, and she had not reset her cloaking, but she could not focus on that now. She needed to made sure she didn't drop the helicopter. She tightened her grip, then turned and flew away from base and into the surrounding mountainous desert.

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"The helicopter is gone, and she's the only one who could've taken it! Mirage, why weren't you watching her!?"

"I was recharging. She must have sneaked out."

"Aren't you Special Ops!? Doesn't the slightest movement wake you up!?"

"Well, yes but…"

"Then why didn't you stop her!?"

"She…she said she had to void."

Lennox blinked at her. "You let her go because she had to piss?"

Mirage seemed flinch at the last word. "Yes, it seemed reasonable. Besides, it was so late and my processor was still cloudy from recharge."

Lennox signed. "NEST's brand new, expensive helicopter that took a big chunk out of NEST funds and paychecks is missing and Illusion is missing! We need to find her!"

"Captain Lennox, I've been calling her all morning. I've been out searching, and many soldiers have as well. There are still patrols out, and—"

At that moment a jeep full of soldiers rolled up. "We found her!" the soldiers yelled.

Illusion came trotting up, her head low and her belly area noticeably bulging. She trotted up to Mirage, licked his servo, then plopped down at his pedes. She rolled on her back and looked up at him, her optics glowing bright green. Mirage scowled at her.

"Illusion, you ate the helicopter, didn't you?"

"Ah sure did. Ah stole that sumbitch last night, took it into tha desert, and ate the whole thing."

Lennox through his hands up in the air. "Son of a…"

Mirage looked worried. "You ate the _entire_ thing?"

"Yep". Illusion did the robot equivalent of a hiccup. "Every…part…"

Mirage vents. "You need Ratchet, don't you?"

Illusion goes to nod, but instead hiccups hard and a metal bar falls out of her mouth. "Yes please…get Ratchet…I'm gonna purge! I…I regret nothing!"

Mirage only steps away and comms Ratchet, informing him of the situation. Meanwhile the soldiers all run away as Illusion purges leather, fuel, and acid on the ground. "Yep," she hacks, "That was worth it!"

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 **It feels good to finally post something. Hope you enjoyed. Have a good'n!**


	2. Too Much Tiny Equals Tummy Ache

**Yo! articmadador here with another chapter! I really enjoyed writing this chapter and the last. It's a good way to get back into writing. I NOT OWN TRANSFORMERS! Hasbro does. I only own whatever characters and plot materials you don't recognize. Please review and enjoy!**

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Rhythm liked tiny things. To her, it made sense because she was so large. Everything that was once normal sized to her was now so small and tiny. She found that fascinating, and at times she marveled at how small things seemed to her. Things like jewelry, small electronic devices, and tools made her feel happy for some reason. They looked so cute to her, and reminded her of what she once was. So, maybe that was why she liked to eat every tiny metallic thing she could manage to get in her mouth.

Rhythm ate cell phones, dog tags, earrings, bracelets, human sized tools, necklaces, chains, wire glasses, and anything else small with metal in it. She searched for them when she was hungry, bored, or just felt like causing trouble. The humans held such little things dear, especially cell phones. She had caused multiple fist fights and stood back to watch the show. She usually didn't like causing trouble like that, but she just couldn't help it. She enjoyed eating tiny things too much to give it up.

At first the humans and Autobots had no idea why so many items were getting lost. It started out with minor things like jewelry and small tools, then as phones and even portable radios started going missing. Over time the soldiers began accusing one another of stealing. Fights ranged from verbal to physical, and sometimes the Autobots themselves were accused. It took for a few Autobots and their soldier friends to get in particularly nasty fights before someone began to think something was going on. By the time all this had gone down, Rhythm figured it was in her best interest to make herself scarce. She was hiding away in a corner and chewing on a tire when Illusion approached her.

"Hiya, Rhythm! Whatcha sittin' over here all by ya lonesome for?" Illusion asked before plopping down beside her.

"Nuthin'," Rhythm mumbled, the tire in her mouth hindering her speech.

"You hear about that fight?"

Rhythm's spark leaped in its casing, but she ignored it and pretended to be clueless. "What fight?"

"Sideswipe 'n his friend Katie got in a fight. She couldn't find her phone and blamed him. Says he musta broke it somehow. She left it with 'em and it went missing."

"Oh…" Rhythm cringed as she remembered snatching up the phone and gobbling it down while the silver frontliner gave her a belly rub just a few hours ago. "It probably got misplaced…"

Illusion shook her head. "I doubt it. I think somethin' is up. Maybe I can catch tha culprit!"

Rhythm bit down on the tire too hard when Illusion said that and got rubber stuck in her dentals. "How ya gonna do that!?" she asked a little too quickly.

Illusion laughed and stood up. "I don't know. Ya seem excited so I'll let ya know when I figure it out. Oh, and find a toothpick. Ya got a little somethin' in ya teeth."

And with that, Illusion got up and trotted away. As soon as she was gone, Rhythm ripped the tire to shreds and lay there trying to figure out how she could avoid eating the humans' belongings. She had to be discreet no matter what she chose to do. She didn't want anyone to know she was the one that did it. She figured she could resist temptation. She was able to do it when Ratchet threatened her with a wrench, so she pretended that was the case. The next time a human left something small and metal beside her, she ignored it as best she could. This time, it was a Nintendo 3DS. Rhythm though she was doing well, until the light shined on it and it sparkled. It had a bluish-purple case, and it looked so clean. How one of the soldiers had even gotten one of these was beyond her understanding. But she wouldn't give in to temptation. She would observe the 3DS and let it be. She didn't need to eat every small metallic thing she saw, right?

Rhythm snatched the 3DS up and swallowed it whole. She then took off running down the hall and ran as far away from the room as she could. She hadn't meant to give in, it just happened. She figured she'd try walking around to take her mind off of what she'd done. She trotted around base, greeting soldiers and having a merry old time until she decided to sit down and rest for a while. It just so happened that just around the corner, and soldier was working on a car. She could smell the oil and hear the clanging of tools against the metal. She peaked around the corner to see someone under a jeep, working away while another human stood next to them. Beside them on the floor sat an open toolbox full of shining tools. Upon seeing it, Rhythm immediately knew that she needed it. She wanted every tools in that box, and she was going to eat it no matter what.

She watched in silence, waiting for the right moment to sneak up and snatch the box. It only took a few minutes before the person working on the jeep demanded a tool that, much to Rhythm's delight, wasn't in the toolbox. As soon as the other human left to get said tool, Rhythm leapt around the corner, grabbed the toolbox in her jaws, then flew over the jeep and around the corner. She zipped around another corner, ate the toolbox and its contents, then trotted down the hall with a spark filled with guilt.

For a while she tried thinking of ways she could confess that she'd been eating all these small items. She'd been doing it for a few days now, and she was starting to worry. Perhaps she should tell Jazz, or Illusion. But then Ratchet would get involved and want to pump her tanks and knock sense into her with a wrench. She really didn't want that, especially considering that everyone on base would then know what she had been doing. The humans would definitely not be pleased with her.

Lost in thought, Rhythm turned walked outside the hanger and trotted around outside. It was a hot and dry sunny day. Usually all the Autobots stayed inside on days like this to avoid overheating. Rhythm especially stayed in, since she didn't really like heat so much and her larger frame made it easier for her to overheat. Today, however, the sun felt good on her metal plates. She found herself enjoying her walk, even through she was starting to get a little warm. Eventually she found a group of humans cleaning some grills outside. She came up to them, admiring how the grills shined in the sunlight. They looked very nice.

"Hey Rhythm. Want a hotdog?" One of the soldiers joked when they saw her staring.

"Uh, naw. I was just admiring tha grills," Rhythm replied.

"Yeah, we figured it was time we cleaned them up. Hopefully it cools down soon so we can do some grilling."

"That would be fun."

"Yep."

At that moment, there was a loud clang not far off. Rhythm looked up as she heard two familiar voices. It was the smaller pair of twins, Skids and Mudflap. They were rolling around fighting about something random and causing damage to everything around them. The soldiers stopped cleaning the grills and ran to prevent the twins from breaking anything important. Rhythm quickly realized that they had left her alone with the grills. It didn't take her long to act on instinct and eat every shiny part of each grill. She ended up devouring a smaller one entirely.

"Rhythm! Hey, Rhythm!"

When she heard her voice being called, Rhythm almost threw up the grill she had just eaten. She turned and looked towards the voice, looking the human who was speaking right in the eyes. "Could you maybe play with the twins? You know, distract them while we clean up the damage and get back to cleaning the grills?"

Relieved that she hadn't been caught in the act, Rhythm quickly nodded. "Sure, I'll play with them."

So, she ran off with the twins and they played together in a more empty area of the base. She wrestled with them and gave them rides. They gave her belly rubs and collected small scraps of metal to feed her. As they ran and wrestled and rolled about in the sun, Rhythm found herself becoming more and more ill. Her frame was heating up more than it should, her systems warned her of overheating, and her tanks began to churn. Eventually she was able to get a break from the twins when they both tried to get a ride from her and got into a fight over who should go first. While they fight and threw each other around, Rhythm sneaked off and went to the Autobots' hanger in hopes that she could cool down and relax with no one around. Unfortunately, she chose a bad time to come to the hanger.

It seemed that all the younger bots were having some sort of dance party, now of all times. Rhythm watched with her tanks churning as her fellow Autobots danced and jumped around. From Jazz spinning around and break dancing to Illusion swinging her tail and head around, dancing as best she could in four legs, they all made Rhythm very dizzy. It only got worse as Sideswipe and Bumblebee started dancing around her in hopes that she would dance too. She simply sat down, and they were seemingly having too much fun to notice something was wrong. The blasting music shook the room, making poor Rhythm's tanks shake. Watching everyone jump and move around her only made it worse. Rhythm watched in pain as Jazz danced over to her and stood by her side.

"Hey Rhythm! Why ain't ya dancin'!? We're doin' it fer fun, ya know!? Ta blow off some steam!" Rhythm watched him miserably as he danced around her, not missing a beat. He noticed that something was wrong, but her figured she was upset over something instead of ill. "Aww, if ya sad about somethin', jus dance it away! Come on, let's have some fun!"

Rhythm felt her tanks lurch, and her mouth filled with oral lubricant. She received multiple warnings from her CPU that she had overheated and was in danger of purging. As Jazz danced around her and the music continued to blast, she found herself getting sicker and sicker. She struggled to stay still, but all the movement and noise made her miserable. She felt so bad that she was afraid if she got up to run out, she would purge everywhere. At that moment Jolt and Mirage came in and stood beside her. They both looked quite bothered with the music, but ignored it. Jolt turned to Rhythm and tapped her side. She leaned down to him, using all her strength not to purge all over the smaller bot.

"Lennox and Optimus want to see you!" he yelled over the music. "They mentioned something about some grills!"

Rhythm whined and knew she was caught. The soldiers had definitely figured out she was the one who had eaten and damaged the grills. She tried to move, but her vision suddenly blurred and swirled, and the music began to distort in her audios. She sensed Jazz still dancing around her, and wanted nothing more than for him to stop. She used what little strength she had left to knock him over with her tail in hopes that he would fall over and stay still. Unfortunately, she only knocked him into Mirage, and the red mech stumbled and fell hard against her side. The jarring from him falling right against where ever tanks were made her purge.

To Rhythm, it had been quick and quite painful. She ignored the bots as they scrambled to get away from her and complained about how gross it was. She could only focus on clearing as much of her tanks as possible. Before she knew it, it was all over. She felt herself cooling down, and her tanks no longer churned. Her cooling fans, which had been working overtime with no avail, were now effectively cooling her down. Her vision cleared and sound was no longer distorted. She was quite relieved to find that she felt so much better. Once she felt well enough to lift her head, she finally got a good look at what she'd thrown up.

It was a horrendous mess.

Much of what she'd eaten over the pass few days had apparently not been all metal. The partially digested heap consisted of rubber, plastic, some other strange, unrecognizable materials. Of the many items that had not been fully digested, Rhythm recognized phones, pieces of grills, the 3DS, a radio, a few tools and half of the toolbox, and a laptop. Everything else was a lump of what it once had been. Nothing but foul smelling blobs with running colors sitting in a pool of acid and partially processed energon. Rhythm was quite glad she had gotten all of that out or her system. However, she wasn't glad when Ratchet stormed in on the scene. She knew she was in deep trouble.

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Rhythm sat with her helm in Jazz's lap as Ratchet ran a final scan over her tanks. She felt so much better now, and thanks to that experience she knew she would not be eating any small items again. After three days of a horrible ache in her stomach from where Ratchet had to completely clear all the toxic items out, she was feeling almost good as new. She couldn't wait to get out of the medbay.

"How ya holdin' up, Rhythm?" Jazz asked as Ratchet read over the results.

"I'm way better now. Ah can't wait to be free! But uh…are tha humans still mad at me?"

Jazz smiled. "They sure aren't. After ah explained your condition to them 'n went into detail about how sorry you were, 'n about how much excruciating pain you were in, they all forgave ya."

"Did you exaggerate at all, by any chance?"

"Maybe a little," Jazz said, shrugging.

Ratchet walked over to them and set a data pad down. "Your all good to go, Rhythm. Don't eat anything solid for about a week so your tank heals. Stick to energon only, and don't drink too much of it. And, if you come back here for this reason ever again, you're going to wish a stomach ache was the only pain you had to deal with! Understood!?"

"Y—Yes sir!"

"Good. Now get lost. And both of you, stay out of trouble!"

Both Jazz and Rhythm were out the door before Ratchet could finish the last of his sentence. Glad to be out of the medbay and with Jazz, Rhythm lifted him up and placed him on her back. She walked down the hall as he lay out and pet her wings.

"So, what did we learn from this, Rhythm?" he asked.

"That you should never play in the heat with a full tank."

"Well, true. But I don't mean that."

"That you're the best dancer on base?"

"Thanks, but not that either. I'm serious Rhythm."

Rhythm vented. "That I should never eat tiny things that belong to humans."

"Right. Now ya know what you're gonna do?"

"What?"

"Go around base 'n apologize ta everyone whose stuff ya ate."

"But that'll take all day!"

"Better get started then, huh?"

Rhythm snorted, then made her way to the first human she saw whose possessions she'd eaten. By the time she finished apologizing to everyone, she swore she'd never eat anything small that belonged to humans ever again.

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 **A new chapter will be up soon. Hope you enjoyed! Have a good'n!**


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